Yin & Yan

It always strikes me as curious how much we, as humans, deal in opposites and contrasts. This seems to be especially prevalent in sexual encounters, where a balance is required between dominance and submission. I’m not talking about the more extreme elements of this, which extend into the strictly defined world of BDSM, but rather the more vanilla of us who indulge in dominant and submissive behaviour without even questioning it.

When in bed with a man I long to be controlled and dominated. Occasionally I'll take control or dominance, but it's always just a brief foray that's fun, but not really exciting. It doesn’t turn me on to take control, though if I’m with a partner who enjoys it then that pleases me. It doesn’t, however, pleasure me.

What I really want, what I long for, is for that attempt at taking control to be overthrown. For him to push me off, use his strength to turn me over, push me down, hold me still while he punishes me. Even typing that thought out excites me. When it comes to sex I don’t want the polite niceties of a give-and-take relationship. I want rawness, animality, brutality—to a certain extent, anyway.

I can’t really understand the mentality that wants to take control. At least, not when I think about a heterosexual encounter. When I think about bedding a woman, the idea of control and domination has a much greater appeal. I love the idea of restraining her, of fighting for superiority and winning. It makes me shiver to think of tying her up and teasing her until she is beyond thinking and begs me to take her. I would love to fix a strap-on to me and turn her onto her front and fuck her until the air turned blue with her screams. Equally, though, I would want her to return the favour, without trying it I can’t decide which I would prefer or whether I would enjoy the experiences equally.

I wonder what element of being ‘female’ or ‘feminine’ it is that dictates to me, in such a basic, primal way, that it is arousing to be dominated by a man, but to dominate another woman. But then, bisexuality is a very complex aspect of sexuality and I try not to analyse it more than I absolutely have to.

A Day's Delay...

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Look forward to seeing you there!
x
E

You say it best when you say nothing at all

A blank page is a very intimidating thing. Looking at this 'new post' page, just now, terrified me. I'm expected to type and create words that mean something, words that connect to other people, without knowing anything about those other people. Writing fiction is, perhaps, a little easier. I write fiction primarily for myself and when others enjoy it, it's just a big bonus. I create characters, worlds and stories in my head, then all I have to do is describe it. The blank page is almost encouraging then, those first few words of a story are easy, because you so desperately want to make it real.
This, however, this is hard. I'm writing this in the full expectation that others will read it and no real idea what they want to read about or how I come across. Like I said, it's intimidating.
Readers, if you're out there, comment on my posts, even if it's just ticking a box -- am I getting through? Or am I, as I fear, just manifesting a new-fangled form of insanity by typing to myself instead of talking...?

After all the hoo-hah of the American elections I have to admit that I was beginning to care less about any kind of American politics. Then along came proposition 8 which affected friends of mine. It made me feel queasy -- here in the UK we have civil partnerships which have the same benefits as marriage and it makes perfect sense to me. What right has the State to say who you can love? As long as you're two consenting adults hurting no-one else then who the hell has the right to speak against it?

So here was me getting all hot under the collar, but why do that when instead you can sing about it? Save me one of those prawn cocktails...
Prop 8 the Musical!

Like a fine wine...

I’m a big fan of vintage. I love the sound of the word – it has connotations of luxury, class, elegance, expensiveness. You can apply it to clothes, shoes, wine, cars, jewellery – some of my most favourite things. I am kind of glad that you can’t get vintage chocolate, but everything else is better when it’s aged a little – lovers included!

Unique

Someone asked me recently what it was that I thought made me unique. I couldn't give them an answer then and, a couple of days later, I'm still struggling to think of something.
Now don't get me wrong, this isn't because I don't think I'm unique or can;t think of anything, quite the opposite in fact. It's because every single thing about me is unique and how on earth can I delineate that?

I hate the current trend of pigeon-holing people. Oh she's blonde, he's gay, they're Christians, she's vegetarian -- how are those valid ways of describing people? Just going by one belief or apparently defining feature? I know it's in our nature, to some extent, to put people into boxes so we can help to define what box we ourselves belong in, but the truth of the matter is that each of us is different and individual. I grew out of trying to pigeon-hole myself a few years ago, when I exited my 'teens. It seems a very insecure, juvenile thing to do. There are many different people and groups I identify with, why limit myself?

I am unique because I am, because I'm me. I realise that may sound arrogant, but it isn't. I'm just as eager for acceptance as anyone else. I just don't want to be defined through one particular feature, whether it's the colour of my hair, my job, my sexuality, what I like or dislike - I'm unique because I am the only one who looks like me, thinks like me, talks like me and does what I do.

Blush

You know, it’s pretty hard to make me blush. A long hard gaze into my eyes might do it. A truly genuine compliment might do it. Reading something that makes my pulse race might do it. A deep, lingering kiss might do it. Watching two people share a deep, lingering kiss might do it. As for anything else, well, can you do it?